Some Enchanted Evening

I first met Girlush Figure about two years ago after they had finished playing at some show I didn't attend until it was nearly over. I'd been swimming in a brewery and stepped into a bar to towel off. I guess I accosted them thoroughly. The night is kind of hard to remember, but over time, somehow recognition took hold and a psuedo-relationship was formed. They kept playing wherever I happened to be drinking and this made me realize that Girlush Figure is nothing at all like Haley's comet. Cos Haley's comet does not rock like these girls do and comets don't have testicles. Apparently, Girlush Figure does. I first started to believe that maybe these ladies do, in fact, have the "balls for the cause" when I realized that they had a song called "Crazy Train" that IS NOT actually thee "Crazy Train". Pure fucking nads, dude.

So one night after all the alcohol; make out attempts, superhero theatrics, and clammed out rock, Girlush Figure sat still for an interview; even though they think I'm retarded and dumb.

Interview conducted in person by Ryan Gelatin.

Name: Squeaky (guitar and vocals), Pigpen (bass and vocals), and Sticklet (drums)
Band: Girlush Figure

BW: So, you girls dressed as superheroes tonight, but not any female ones. How Come?
Squeaky: Becos I am my costume already.

BW: You got Batman, Superman, and, uhm….you were….
Sticklet: Spider-Man! The costume being on me makes it female, so….
Pigpen: Take it away girl, take it away.
SQ: I think that, basically, we're trying to tell you that we killed the superheroes and took their costumes.
P: And we're tougher than them!
SQ: That's it.
P: Keep it goin'.
SQ: I'm staring at the bagel sign, sorry.

BW: So, who are you?
P: We are Girlush Figure from Richmond, Virginia. We're what, what, what….
SQ: Girlush Figure what, what, what….
P: I am Pigpen and I play bass.
SQ: I'm Squeaky. I play guitar and I sing.
Sticklet: I am Sticklet and I play the drums. You can call me Laura.
SQ: You can call me a Space Cowboy.

BW: Do you love Steve Miller?
SQ: We had an affair like two years ago, but I don't wanna talk about it.
P: She's still upset that she had his love child.
SQ: Stop.

BW: So why are you on tour? When did you decide that you were pretty fucking good and other people should hear you play?
P: Uhm, well, I dunno….
ST: I never thought about "making" other people listen to us.
SQ: Well, Pigpen and I met, oh god, about back in the day.
P: Way back in the day.
SQ: And then we got arrested in Mexico.

BW: What did you get arrested for?
P: Oh God. Tell him. Tell him what you stole! Tell him what you stole!! She stole a pair of castanets
SQ: I needed them for my job. Cos I didn't have them and I had to steal them.
P: So, we're in prison in Mexico….
SQ: And then we met Laura.
P: The way we met her was she was banging….
SQ: Her little tin cup. This little tin cup.
P: And she was banging it on our wall. And we were like, "Damn, girlfriend can keep a beat."
SQ: And so I'm like (starts making guitar noises)
P: And she just kept putting down beats with her tin cup.
SQ: (emulates the sound of a tin cup against concrete)
P: And ever since then, we got out and looked each other up. It's been….that's when we decided to go on tour.
ST: That's the answer to your question.
P: Sorry Ryan, you're never gonna want to interview us again.

BW: No, of course not. So do you girls play prison rock?
SQ: We used to. We used to.

BW: What sort of music do you play?
P: Jailhouse rock.
G: Jailhouse rock….
SQ: No, what we do has a disco feel to it. A sort of rockabilly style.
P: A punky kind of feel.
SQ: A punky kinda feel….(starts singing) "I need a job, I need a job, I need a good job."
ST: Yea. With a lot of emo.
P: Oh yea.
SQ: Yea. A little touch of emo in there.

BW: What do you girls think of emo music? What do ya think of Sid and Nancy?
SQ: Sid and Nancy the movie or the actual people?

BW: Both.
SQ: Awwww….man….

BW: How do you think Sid and Nancy would react to emo music?
P: I think they'd spit in the emo kid's glasses and….rip them off their faces and
stomp on them.
SQ: I think Nancy would whine the whole time.
P: And pull their sweaters over their heads….

BW: These kids are very sensitive.
P: I know. I'm sorry. I'll bring you a tissue next time. I'm sorry.

BW: Oh man….
P: Yea. They're gonna hate us. Our drummer likes emo music.
SQ: Sticklet is an emo lover.
ST: Yes, I am. You can email me.

BW: I know you like Duvall, what else do you listen to?
ST: I'm a huge Sunny Day Real Estate fan, uhm….I don't wanna talk about my taste in music. It's not ALL emo! Sunny Day Real Estate isn't emo anyways, so….
P & SQ: (start making disco noises)

BW: So what happens when you become the next Spice Girls?
ST: We'll be doing fucking interviews like this one.
SQ: Spice Girls got nuthin' on us.
P: When we're huge?

BW: Yea. What're ya gonna do?
P: We're gonna open for KISS….oh, I just spit on your tape recorder.

BW: Why would YOU open for KISS? Why wouldn't KISS….
P: Hold on!! Let me finish. We're gonna open for KISS when they have their reunion again. Part Two. And then they're gonna break up again for another, uhm, five years, and then they're gonna get back together and beg us to open for them.

BW: (Has trouble understanding this concept….)
SQ: No! You know what will happen when we're huge? Our hometown will actually like us.

BW: Why don't they like you now?
SQ: It's very competitive. Everybody there wants to….uhm, wants ta….they just wanna compete with each other. There's no support, no musical support. Even your friends.

BW: So who writes the songs?
SQ: We all do.

BW: Is there a prominent theme throughout the songs? Like sub-consciously; a common subject?
SQ: Not that I'd recognize.
P: No. I'd say they're all just very aggressive and powerful.
SQ: Yea. Every song is very different. Very individual.

BW: What are some of your songs about?
P: I hate that question.
SQ: Uhm, they're about….they're about whatever you want them to be about. Relate them to your life.
P: And they're about balls.
SQ: Lotsa balls. Big balls.
ST- Yea, we like balls.
P: Big, fat balls….
ST: Can't go wrong with balls. Can not go wrong….

BW: So you cover an AC/DC tune, would you ever consider covering a Judd's song? Like "Mama He's Crazy"?
SQ: NO. AC/DC. That's where it's at, man.
ST: We're working on a Dashboard Confessional cover right now.
SQ: Wait!! Wait, wait, wait, wait….when do we pull out the Creed?
P: The cream?
SQ: The Creed.
ST: We wanted to be a little more emotional, so we wanted to cover Dashboard Confessional's "Screaming Infidelities."
SQ: I wanted to be a little more Godly.
P: P.O.D.
SQ: And sound like I was taking a shit while I sang.
ST: Ok, we'll cover that "you take me higher" song.

BW: Is Girlush Figure a political band?
ALL THREE: NO!!!!

BW: Not at all? You gotta have some sort of political slant in your songs.
SQ: I have lots of political views, but there's no reason to bring them out. We'll never agree.
P: Listen, people, this is the way I see it: when people drink, which people drink to our songs, they get drunk and either wanna talk about religion, politics, or fucking. And so….

BW: Well, which one makes for the best discussion?
P: Which is better? I don't know, but I don't want people to listen to our music and we're talking about politics. They'd get pissed off and throw shit at us.
ST: Yea. Separation of church and rock.
SQ: Awww, you hid your little questions down there….
ST: Music is meant to be self indulgent. We're singing about ourselves.

BW: Ok, so if you could have any cartoon or comic book character for your mascot, who would it be?
SQ: I got mine.
P: I would take Tank Girl.
SQ: I would say Tank Girl.

BW: Sticklet?
ST: What was the question? Comic book?

BW: Yeah. Well, you're outvoted anyways. It's Tank Girl. And what is Tank Girl's favorite alcoholic beverage?
SQ: Oh shit! Hold on….
P: I can't remember.
SQ- I do….hold on….

BW: Naw, it's not a trivia question. It's like, what would you rather she drank?
SQ: Oh, I was gonna say….but I know it. I know what she drinks.

BW: There's no trivia in this.
SQ: I would rather she drank P.B.R.
P: Yea. I second that.
ST: I missed the question yet again!
P: What would Tank Girl drink?
ST: Jager.

BW: Oh. We're doing an interview?
P: For the record, Sticklet says Tank Girl would drink Jager.

BW: Non-stop. No beer? Poor Tank Girl.
ST: What kinda questions are these?