100 Stage Dives To A Slimmer You
by Paul Bugala

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. – On a Saturday afternoon in the Boston-area indie-rock capital of Central Square, the groans of groggy twenty-somethings are commonplace. The angsty chords of punk anthems emerge from the windows of third floor walk-ups, comforting hung-over scenesters as they confront a brand new day. The more ambitious residents might start the day with a trip to a gym as a sort of penance for the previous night's indiscretions. Some of those go-getters are on their way to Bally’s or the Boston Sports Club, but the ones in fishnet tights are probably heading to the Middle East for Punk Rock Aerobics.

That’s right, Punk Rock Aerobics. In a bar where just hours earlier some indie-rocker might have been sweating through a set of soul-baring confessions, Hilken Mancini, 31, and Maura Jasper, 35, are forcing two dozen or so post-post-post-punkers to confront their flab during a grueling aerobics session set to songs by Fugazi, the Descendents, and Iggy Pop.

Every Saturday afternoon on the floor of the Middle East's downstairs bar and Thursday evening at Spontaneous Celebrations in Jamaica Plain, Mancini and Jasper lead an aerobics routine set to punk classics intended to diminish the stress of a trip to the gym with a D.I.Y. spirit and a sense of humor.

After being laid off the same week from a video store and a Somerville gallery respectively, Mancini and Jasper turned their own exercise routine and disgust for health clubs into an emerging empire. "We used to just kick over the coffee table and do the same routine," Mancini said as she collected Styrofoam exercise mats from the floor of the Middle East basement bar following a recent Saturday session.

As a certified aerobics instructor and past member of the Boston band Fuzzy, Mancini brings fitness expertise and indie cred to the duo. While Jasper, a graphic artist who designed the cover of Dinosaur Jr’s You’re Living All Over Me, adds the critical everygirl personality and sense of humor to workouts that are as thorough as they are light-hearted.

"We're really just trying to make fitness fun and do something good. Hilken is good from a technical perspective and I just try to show that you don't have to worry about how you look. You just do something. That's what makes it punk rock," Jasper said.

As Bettawreckonize found out firsthand, the three, 20-minute intervals of complex steps, post-ironic poses, and poorly counted free-weight reps that make up Punk Rock Aerobics are nothing to laugh at. That is unless you are Mancini and Jasper who seem to be having a blast as they taunt and cheer each class to the tune of the Real Kids’ “Do The Boob,” the Rezillos’ “Somebody’s Gonna Get Their Head Kicked in Tonight,” and My Bloody Valentine’s “While You Sleep.”

With every leg-lift, stomach crunch and V-step, it becomes clearer just how seriously Mancini and Jasper take fitness. Below its post-ironic surface, Punk Rock Aerobics is the real thing––just in a bar. If you closed your eyes, covered your ears, plugged your nose, and stopped playing air guitar, you would swear you were in a Scandinavian.

“I imagined it would be more punk rock and less aerobics. Maybe some smoking breaks and some sitting around,” Jessica Durrum, a Punk Rock Aerobicizer and Dayton native now living in Medford, Mass., said. “But it was actually more aerobics.”

The workout is a blend of form and function that is a testament to Mancini and Jasper's creativity. Somehow the burn that accompanies 40 reps of arm exercises executed with five-pound weights is lessened by fact that the weights are cinder blocks and Kevin Shields has ousted Olivia Newton John as head cheerleader.

“It was more fun than other workouts because the music was better, the people were cooler and they weren’t wearing leotards and leg warmers,” Catherine Dodge, a Punk Rock Aerobicizer from Medford, said.

Punk Rock Aerobics has been featured in media as diverse (present company not included) as VH1, The Boston Globe and Blender. But it is not clear that the mainstream media is ready for Mancini, Jasper and friends.

During a recent appearance on the cable television station New England Cable News (NECN -- say it out loud.), Boston's prodigal dreamboat Evan Dando joined Jasper on-air and demonstrated a few of the routine's moves. During the segment, Dando threw the sort of tantrum that has become typical of this drug-addled star-in-descent's recent behavior.

"So he's got the bricks that we use and during a lull in the interview and he comes over to our studio and smashes a brick on the stereo that's playing our tape. It was so punk rock. It was perfect," Jasper said.

Bettawreckonize learned from a Bettawreckonizer and NECN employee you probably know and love that the smashed boom box was the personal belonging of a reporter at the station. Dando is said to have rushed to an ATM for cash to cover the damages immediately after the incident.

Fortunately, Mancini and Jasper's other public appearances have not been so controversial. In fact, if anything is more impressive than Punk Rock Aerobics itself it is the savvy with which they have publicized the workout.

Mancini and Jasper choreographed a routine for a Le Tigre song that they performed with the band at the Middle East and at Lady Fest in New York City. They also got props in the Boston Magazine’s “Best of Boston” issue and have contributed their talents to organizations such as the Somerville Homeless Coalition.

While the future promises more success for the ladies behind Punk Rock Aerobics, this Bettawreckonize reporter wanted to know if the ascent of their idea was an indication of dark days ahead for emo weaklings.

Bettawreckonize: "Now that punk rock girls are getting all buff and whatnot, do scrawny little punk rock boys stand a chance anymore?"

Mancini: "No, you guys are screwed."

Maybe I should think about trading in my cardigan for a muscle shirt.

For more information, check out their web page at www.punkrockaerobics.com.